墮落閣

It's no like I dont know what's going on

what's should be done and what shouldnt

but all things that builds up in me

just gonna crack me

just tearing me into pieces

it's just too hard for me to face it

still i would face it

there's no second choice 

i got that totally clear

but what should i do with this limited ability of me

im not perfect

and i dont make miracle happens

it's reality

not every people in this world can make one

and i know

i clearly couldnt make one

i know myself well

it's easy for you to say to try the my best

it's easy for you to say that i should pay

but please don't jusge me when you are not in my shoes

you just know nothing at all

you know nothing about my pain

and the sad part is not even one wanna hear my story

my unspeakalbe stories

doesnt dies with my tears

they just stay in my heart in my head

ah..i wish im allow to get drunk

to try to know how it feels like when my head is totally blank

when i stop considering this and that

. .haha . .

maybe it would be the best if that my brain just stop working

being so indulged, addicted in otome games or anime doesnt really mean because im just addicted to them

they are actually a chance for me to let my mind getting away from reality

enjoying the moment that feels so real tho it never would happen

they are the only things that heal me

that keep me not falling apart

not going insane, at least for the outside

i still look like im an ordinary girl

while you now wanna forbid me playing or watching them

you just think i dont put enough effort in my school work cause of them

you just know nothing about me

you dont even realize im not that smart

getting into this uni is not that easy for me already

you dont remember those days i cant even find a school

you just seem that you wipe out this memory after i got into this uni

but hell no

that was me, and still is me

getting into this uni is already my limit

now you're expecting more

much much more

you pretend that the limited me before doesnt exist

and fuck you

that limited me is still really limited

you're not gonna expect me to A all courses

no matter how harsh conditions i am situating now

i know

im clear with that

but that's all i got

it's not like i dont want to

it's just that i cant

i dont wanna gone mad

i wanna keep that "perfectly fine" mask in front of others

including you